49 pages • 1 hour read
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Fiona sets off for work at the Royal Courts of Justice. On the way, she tries not to think about anything and studies her surroundings instead. She plays a Bach piece in her mind to distract herself, but the song immediately reminds her of Jack. She feels self-pitying again and begins listing all of her annoyances with her husband. At 59, she suddenly feels alone and abandoned. She turns her attention to the nearby Great Hall, but her mind returns to Jack again. Suddenly, she can’t stop thinking about her childlessness, either.
Fiona always wanted a child, but after she and Jack fell in love and married, they decided to wait to have children. At first, she was busy with school and exams. Then she was in law school and taking the bar. Then, she and Jack’s families would visit. When she saw their nieces and nephews, Fiona’s desire for children returned, but she kept putting off a family to focus on her career. Finally, she was sworn in and took the Judicial Oath. She became consumed by work, and the years passed.
Crossing New Square, Fiona is upset, thinking about the children that she never had.
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By Ian McEwan